If you want to be in business today, you need to “do” customer service. Really do it. Most companies say they do it, but simply don’t do it.

Sorry to go to the easiest case in point – Comcast – but there is a reason that they are so universally disliked. And now that their “customer service pledge” is the thrust of all their marketing, they deserve to be called out again and again.

Customer Service, done correctly, means that not only must the customer be treated to the level of service that they demand, but it must be delivered and reinforced by people who are properly and continually trained to live up to the title.

Each customer has a different level of service expectation. Most people can be categorized as an Etop. An Etop is someone who is relatively Easy To Please. Etops have lower expectations and will be satisfied by any reasonable explanation given to them by a human being or even a recorded message: “Thank you for calling Southern Connecticut Gas Company. We are experiencing heavy call volume, and we will get to your call in the order that it was received…”  Etops will hold and enjoy the seasonal music.

Slightly up on the demanding list is the HiEx. The HiEx has higher expectations. They will hear that recorded message and feel annoyed at the inconvenience. But they will hit the speaker button on their phone and find a way to multitask while sitting on hold. They want more than a customer service message – they actually want the service!

Then, there are the Despends. A Despend is a Demanding Spender. They recognize that their willingness to spend gives them the right to demand better treatment. A Despend believes that “customer service” should actually deliver a level of service defined by them. What a concept! Treat the customer at a level established by the customer.

The Despend will immediately interpret that on-hold message from a vendor as what it actually is – a poor attempt at excusing bad management decisions that have resulted in inadequate staffing in an area that should never fall short, the servicing of a customer.

Back to Comcast. Back in 2009, in response to a deluge of complaints (there was an entire website devoted to the destruction of Comcast’s existence), they decided to revamp their customer service program. But the changes they made have not made a difference. Out of the 497 companies rated on CustomerServiceScoreboard.com, they are ranked #319. Scathing complaints on their CustomerServiceScoreboard page are as recent as yesterday. Despite this, they now brag about their $20 guarantee – they’ll pay you 20 bucks if they are late for a service appointment. The Etop is impressed, and even grateful for that effort. The HiEx will ask for the $20 as soon as they are eligible. The Despend will suggest that Comcast might put that $20 somewhere where the sun don’t shine. They don’t want 20 bucks. Their time is worth way more than that.

Companies need to move past their so-called “customer service” when it is really “customer placating” in disguise. Customer service training needs to be responsive to the customers’ expectations, or they will beat a path to the competition.

As always, Zappos sets the standard, and lives up to it every day. They really should establish The Zappos Customer Service Training Academy, and Comcast should be the first student.